Squad Audit
Squad Audit is a free audit for your friend group — the tool that answers the question every group wonders about and no group asks out loud: how healthy is this squad, actually, and who is carrying it? You answer 13 questions about how your group plans, celebrates, fights, flakes, and shows up, and the audit produces two linked verdicts: an official role assignment for each member, and a health score for the group itself. The role half of the audit draws on 8 documented squad roles: The Planner, The Chaos Agent, The Mom Friend, The Hype Man, The Ghost, The Connector, The Wildcard, The Anchor. These are the recurring characters every friend group casts whether it admits it or not — the person who books the restaurant three weeks out, the one who turns every plan into a story, the one who has not opened the group chat since March. The role pages cover responsibilities, signature strengths, honest weaknesses, and which roles cover each other's blind spots. The health half scores your group across 5 metrics: Reliability, Fun Factor, Drama Level, Loyalty, Cohesion. Reliability measures whether plans materialize at all; Fun Factor measures whether they are worth materializing for; Drama Level measures the tax the group pays on its own good times; Loyalty and Cohesion measure whether the squad survives contact with a real crisis. A group can score brilliantly on fun and still be quietly failing on reliability — the audit reads the metrics together, because that is how groups actually decay: one weak metric taxes the others until the whole structure lists. Your report combines the two: who does what, where the group is strong, which metric is quietly bleeding, and what to do about it — every metric page includes concrete improvement steps drawn from how durable friend groups actually operate. The whole audit runs in your browser, takes about three minutes, costs nothing, and stores nothing. No sign-up, no email, no reason to answer anything but honestly. It is built for entertainment first — the roles are funny because they are accurate — but the spine is real social psychology on group cohesion, and the blog covers the research in full. Take the audit solo as the self-appointed examiner, or run it as a group and compare results; the second option is funnier and substantially more dangerous. If the audit gets your group wrong, the contact page takes appeals — several role write-ups were sharpened by exactly that kind of complaint.